Keep the Change

sade:

I’ve been thinking about it for a while, and I’m putting this in the running for best photo of ‘09.

 Agreed, but….can someone photoshop the baby out?

Before I get into this story I have to explain a couple of things about my mom. She likes decorating. Wait. Not the way normal moms do. During my formative years, she put colored Christmas lights on a house plant year round, because she thought it was festive. She bought three over-sized pear-looking things as table centerpieces, and dresses them up for each month of the year (Christmas = Santa Hats, Thanksgiving = Feathers stuck in little headbands, Easter = Cotton tails on what I guess my mom assumes would be their “butt”, etc.). For the past two or three years she and her husband have kept a 6’5” Nutcracker in their Foyer, because she liked the way he looked. (She really likes Christmas).

Anyway, I try not to support this behavior, but I was driving down what is commonly called the “Gayborhood” in my town, and saw feather boa Christmas trees in the window (like the ones pictured). I thought, “WOW! That would be perfect for my mom! She could have it as her office decoration or something.” So…I decided to stop in there today.

As I stepped in I realized that the store that held my mom’s “perfect Christmas gift” was….a gay sex shop. It didn’t look like that on the outside! However, the poster of the semi-nude man promoting “Butt Pirate Lubricant” was kind of a giveaway. I saw my perfect little trees and saw they were $350. I realized this was too much, and told the man at the store that I would just “look around”. I didn’t realize that looking around would find me in aisle after aisle of gay porn, and floor to ceiling penis molds. Um…awkward.

Then I went to the store clerk, and asked if they had some smaller trees that were a little cheaper. He said that they could order them, but they wouldn’t be here until January. If I wanted, though, I could buy a rainbow Christmas tree. Listen, I think my mom is as queer as the next guy, but I’m not buying her a rainbow Christmas tree….just yet.

Fact: I met a boy whilst in New Orleans.

Fact: He followed me around both nights. Seriously, no idea why.

Fact: He lives in Kansas.

Fact: I do not.

Fact: He went to law school at the University of Kansas and has his masters in Health Care administration.

Fact: My rate of success kinda’ sucks with attorneys.

Fact: He owns cows.

Fact: I said that was unrelatable (mostly because that’s what Cameron Diaz says to Jude Law in “The Holiday”)

Fact: I need to stop watching “The Holiday”.

Fact: He wants to come see me for New Year’s.

Fact: I’m not sure if I think that is totally creepy.

Fact: He was tall, and I thought cute, but Michael/Mike-y (whose birthday we were celebrating) said he looked like Michael Phelps.

Fact: I’m not listening to Michael anymore since I’m pretty sure he hooked up with a long lost member of the Lollipop Guild. Seriously.

Fact: We are friends on Facebook, but he privatized everything so I can’t see it.

Fact: I sent him a text asking if he was married.

Fact: He texted me back 3 hours later saying he wasn’t.

Fact: I was going to slap him if he told me I was “beautiful” one more time. Though, I did like the comment about how funny I am. Duhhh Michael Phelps’ long lost brother.

Fact: I shouldn’t call him that.

Fact: I think you are getting the picture now so I’ll stop giving you facts. Sorry.

Fact: Ok, I just had to do it one more time for fun.

Mustache Monday: Kevin Kline in “French Kiss”

Yeah, he doesn’t look “hot” here, but he is really cute in the movie.

itsalwayssunny:

(via WWTDD)

 Holy crap…..Charlie’s hot. (From it’s always sunny in philadelphia)